I remember a time I had a study group simply formed out of desperation to find others of like mind. At that time, there simply wasn’t any groups in my area that shared my religion or beliefs, not even remotely. I figured, I’d start my own group and for a while had a terrific bunch of spiritual folks who enjoyed learning and sharing ritual.

Ultimately, it seemed that the group began to bring up the topic of covens. I was against it. Not that I’m anti-coven, but I think each one of us needs to look deep within ourselves and ask the question ‘why?’. Why a coven and not be satisfied with a study group?

I think most didn’t understand the differences, or perhaps they thought they did, and wanted to deepen their spiritual experience by forming a group that held deeper conviction of faith.

What are the differences? Not subtle by any means. A study group can maintain an intense or easygoing atmosphere in which to learn and teach. A coven, on the other hand, requires a higher commitment, a deeper understanding of group dynamics, and a common goal.

Covens are spiritual families. That is a tough thing to find and work with in this world of vast differing opinions and beliefs. Add members who tackle ego issues and you can gain a powder keg of potential problems.

First ask yourself- why? Why do you need to be in either a study group or a coven? What is your definition of the two? Do you understand what a priest and a priestess offer, and what you have as expectation for leaders of either group?

Do you carry lots of emotional baggage because you’re asking others to help you carry the load. Are you prepared to carry for others as well? What do you need from others and from your spiritual path? Are you looking for an easygoing social network or something intense, personal, and cosmic in your learning (or somewhere between the two)?

Do you want to lead or follow in a group? Can you endure either role? Are you seeking power or empowerment? If you intend on forming your own coven, do you understand the basics of human psychology, group dynamics, and the workings of groups?

I’ve been in both, been leader and follower. From experience, I can tell you to stand on your own two feet and understand your own inner workings before taking on the mantle of leading, while removing the ego in order to learn.

There are a number of traditions pagans and witches follow to celebrate Samhain, day of the dead.

Honoring those who passed on. In our coven, we light candles for everyone who we cared about that passed on.  You can get even more creative by making luminaries for the dead, flower wreaths, or ribbons to tie to a tree or bush with messages to them. Sharing stories about them also honors their spirits, keeping them ‘alive’ for those who remain.

Pumpkin Luminaries- of course you can create any design with any color. Write names, or symbols of those who passed on.

Pagan Crafts- Lots of ideas here including wreaths.

Celebrating the ‘new year’. In the Celtic calendar, October 31st celebrates the new year. Considering we’ve switched how we recognize weeks and years for centuries, this comes to no surprise. October 31 belongs to neither the old year or to the year ahead, so this is when the Veil between the worlds of mortals and the spirit world are thinnest.  Make resolutions and use divination this night.

Samhain Divination

Feasts and parties are always popular celebrations for just about everything. Assemble friends and family to eat and drink to appreciate them and the time together.

Butternut squash casserole- this recipes has been a favorite of the group for some time. My husband made it a few years ago and even my nine year old son asks for him to make it. Its similar to pumpkin pie.

Corned Beef Dip in a bread bowl is another popular appetizer in my family. This doesn’t last long whenever I make it.

Corned Beef Sandwiches- Another tasty food. We tried this and what makes them so nice is they’re food you can eat with your hands. They’re very filling too.

Feel free to post your own celebrations or traditions you enjoy on this holiday!

• Pumpkins are in the family of squashes and gourds. They are considered a fruit.
  
• The word pumpkin came from the Greek word pepon, meaning ‘large melon’.
• Pumpkin (and the seeds) are an excellent source of protein, zinc, Vitamin A,potassium and even Tryptophan, the same chemical you find in milk to help you sleep.
• The flowers of the pumpkin plant are edible

• Draw the face ( or whatever you want to carve) onto the pumpkin first.
• When carving the ‘lid’, make the shape jagged to make it easier to fit back in place when carving is finished.
• The lid should also be cut at an angle, creating a ‘cone’ like shape. This will prevent it from falling back into the pumpkin.
• Sprinkle the inside with Cinnimon and Clove to add a nice scent through the holidays.

Black Cats- Black cats originated with the belief that witches kept an ‘imp’ or demonic spirit to serve them in their magic. All black animals, not just cats, were seen as a bad omen.

Pumpkins- Originally, the Jack-O-Lanterns were carved in Turnips, being that Pumpkins are indigenous to America. There is a story of Jack of the Lantern, where a man named Jack tricks the devil and ends up spending eternity walking the earth with only a coal form the pits of Hell to light his way. The belief of the jack-o-lantern is that the scary faces will ward off and confuse evil spirits.

Carve a virtual pumpkin!

Ghosts on Halloween- According to the Celtic calendar, October 31 belongs to neither the old year or to the year ahead, thereby allowing the Veil between mortals and the dead to thin. Thus, allowing ghosts and spirits to walk among us. These can be both good or bad ghosts.

Tarot reading and other divination practices- Being the Veil between the worlds is thinnest, what better time to ask the spirits for their guidance?

Free Online Tarot Reading

Bobbing for apples was one of many games traditionally was a fertility game. Apples are symbolic of love and fertility. The first person to bite the apple will be the first to marry.

Trick or treating is nothing that it was originally. Originally, begging for soul cakes or other food on All Hallow’s Eve. Dressing up in costumes were to confuse or placate the spirits.Years ago, if you didn’t give the treat, the trick-or-treater would play a trick such as soaping windows or spreading toilette paper on your lawn.

Learn more from History.com on Halloween

Popular traditions include:
The Dumb Supper- no, not dumb as in stupid, but dumb as in silent. You do not speak during the Dumb Supper to honest those how passed on. You cook the dishes your ancestors might like, and eat in silent introspection.

Honoring the dead- This can be done in many ways. Most common traditions include lighting candles for the people and pets who passed on through the past year. Stories are often shared of those gone.

Divination- Fortune telling such as Tarot reading is very common this night. What better time to speak to the dead, or ask the Spirits for answers. As ever, however, ask/speak with respect and honor.

Feasting- Every sabbat includes a meal including traditional foods. For Samhain, the last harvest of the year, you eat just about anything. It was traditionally the time you made sure all the crops were sown and herds culled by this night.

What traditions do you enjoy on Samhain?

Now that I’ve started a new witches meetup group, for socialization and education, I encounter a number of pagans who just started on this path. One member asked about covens, while another mentioned she has no interest in joining any covens. This makes for an intriguing topic to cover in this blog.

What is a coven? The word coven comes from covenant, or ‘assembly’. A coven is often a group of pagans (wiccans, witches, other) who follow a tradition, sometimes evolving into their own tradition of practices and beliefs. The aim is to educate members in that tradition, often providing education on how to run their own groups later on. It can also provide a social network, very much like a spiritual family.

Members join and go through a period of time, or mandatory list of duties, they need to perform to reach the next level to their group. These levels are often called ‘degree’, and can take a specific time to achieve. It depends on the tradition of course.

Our coven had no degree system. We didn’t offer training outside of the basics, and had no priest/esshood in which members could move up the ranks for. Our focus centered on each person’s individual spirituality and their goals they set for themselves. This is definitely unorthodox, and we knew that. Our belief was that religion- any religion- falls between you and your personal relationship with the Divine, however you define that.

Your first question to ask when considering joining a coven is ‘why?’. Why do you need to join a coven, what are your goals, and how to expect the coven to help you accomplish those goals? Could you accomplish those goals as a solitary pagan? Do you need someone to teach you? Do you learn better on your own or in groups?

Once you join, then you need to consider the dynamics within the group. Are you comfortable with the coven leaders? Do you feel they listen as well as they teach? Do you get along with everyone else in the group?

What is a solitary? Solitaries are just that- on their own with their spiritual learning.  No only is this considered a type of pagan, its often embraced as the preferred style of spiritual learning. They read and perform ritual on their own, letting the gods themselves guide them through their education.

Solitaries enjoy the freedom to learn as they want and how they want. There are no time schedules or demands on personal education. You don’t need to master Tarot reading, or how to make your own wand, as some covens demand. You can also follow whatever deity/deities that call to you, as opposed to the coven’s view on what the gods appear.

Being Solitary provides the freedoms, but some solitary pagans voice how an interest in a group if not to socialize or even partake in circle now and then.

Coven and Solitary are not the only options open for pagans.

Study groups often allow the social network and learning without the strict bylaws of a formal coven to abide by. Finding a study group can be tough. Many solitaries still enjoy being anonymous and don’t want just anyone to join. Sometimes you have to form your own group.

Open circles provide any pagan to join a group for that specific circle/ritual for celebration or magical working. Most offer the Sabbat (holidays) that occur eight times throughout the year, while others hold workshops open to the public. Check occult stores, or even Google your area for pagan groups that hold open circles.

www.witchvox.com provides a database for events and groups you might consider joining.

I’ve been in both covens, solitary, and even formed two study groups over the years. You can find pluses and setback for any of the choices. The best thing to do when deciding is to ask yourself what your needs are, and be particular to the groups you join. If it doesn’t feel right, get out. Its not for you. You might also want to consider forming your own group, which is another blog entry all its own.

After the drama of the coven, I found myself cast adrift and wondering what the pagan communities in my area was up to. Its amazing the politics you find in groups, which I attribute to egos more than anything else. It certainly wreaked havoc in our own group.

So I started a group through a site called Meetup.com. I joined this site almost two years ago when it was free to organize. Now there’s a monthly cost of almost $20.00! Fortunately for me, I get a discount for being a loyal member which makes my cost only $9.00. I further help myself by asking all the members to pay yearly fees. Its only $7 per year, but no one complains.

Starting a group takes persistence. I notice a few other groups struggling to make it, and I have the benefit of past experience to help me along. I know it takes an effort to get members to join, to participate, and to show up to meetings.

My writer’s meetup fluctuates with members, but we get a consistent 6-8 members always showing up to chat about writing. The witches’ meetup…not so much. This has more to do with the time of year and slow growth of the group. I expected this when I started, in fact.

But I know I have to wear another hat to lead a witches’ meetup group- a pointy one. This means to be open to pagans in general. Not everyone shares the same beliefs. Some are into the paranormal more than others, while some members prefer a more spiritual path. Some love the drama of pentacles and witchcraft, while others keep to a quieter expression of their belief system.

As organizer, I need to keep a balance between members, to guard against the posers or trouble-makers, and to maintain subjects to discuss. I make the decisions of time and place, and who stays and who goes. I already refused membership to a ‘golden wizard’ who wanted to join. He was looking for recruits.

Building pagan communities takes a level of tolerance as well as willingness to be leader. I must engage members while also willing to take steps to remove them if need be, and mediating issues should they arise.

The dark half the year traditionally serves a time of planning. Its the time of year to consider your goals for the next year  How you’ll achieve those goals? What tools will you need? Will you need to prepare the soil before planting? (to use the metaphor)

This is also the time to look within ourselves, to see what parts of ourselves hold us back from growing and evolving spiritually. Do you harbor fears and anger that hold you back? Is a bad habit keeping you from being the best you can be? This is the time to weigh those parts of ourselves, to work through our fears and inhibitions. Remove all that obscures  you from seeing you for what you truly are.

Faults are like weeds in our gardens. They choke out the plants we want in our lives. The first step is recognizing the ‘weed’, and recognizing if its effecting the rest of your goals. Does your fears, habit, resentment, anger, etc hold you back from moving forward in life? Then you need to weed your garden.

Know that what faults you bear does not make you a bad person, but it holds you back. Accept the fault and also challenge yourself to work through it. See if the fault can work for you instead of against you. Is the fault rising out of fear? Face that fear and grow.

I find it helps to also find something to replace the fault. If you have fear, then replace with courage. If you resent someone, replace with forgiveness. If you have a bad habit, find a healthier, better habit that will help you along your Journey. For instance, find exercise instead of smoking. Be creative.

To outsiders, raising children in a pagan religion might be a cause for concern. Perhaps they assume that paganism is ‘bad’ for them, that it contradicts the Bible or what have you. Its not Christianity, but its also not harmful to kids. In fact, most pagans I know raise their children liberally, without indoctrinating them in any religion at all.

My own son, who turns ten this November, tells me he’s atheist.  He doesn’t believe in God, he told me. “I just believe in nature”.  I’m cool with that, though I still expect him to learn of how other’s belief so he can understand the differences in the world. We learn about Christianity, the Muslim faith, Buddhism, and other religions/cultures as they arise in our homeschooling. We tend to explore any faith and culture of a people in our Geography lessons. For instance, we explored what the Aztecs believed while learning about ancient Mexico.

Some people might jump to the conclusion then that he follows my pagan faith. He doesn’t. He believes in the natural order of things, how nature regulates itself. More specifically, he doesn’t believe some guy in the sky is controlling everything. He doesn’t have issues with anyone believing in God, he simply prefers not to.

I do feel children need some spiritual guidance from their parents if only to understand what their family believes. This includes parents who are Atheist. Open discussions on faith, or non faith, or even difference of opinions help a child learn to question and consider different ways of thinking.

Through my experiences over the years with groups and the pagan community, is encountering so many pagans who look for answers to fix the problems they face. Unfortunately, the teachings of the pagan religions tend to be lax on insight, providing more a recipe for fixing problems with a spell rather than looking deeper into the issues at hand.

Sometimes you need the bad experiences of life to strengthen your soul. Here are a few tips you don’t often find in the pagan books;

Do not look outside yourself for answers. All the answers to your questions and problems lie within you. Although at times outside influences can spark an answer, provide insight, or even smack you into the actualization; you have the answers already. Whatever your spiritual guide or power animal, tarot cards, or even scrying will reveal to you is what you already know inside. They provide a realization, not answers.

Do not presume to know answers for others. It really peeves me when I see pagans who believe they are empathetic enough to provide answers to someone else. Being able to sense another’s emotion doesn’t give you permission to spoon feed your enlightenment to another. In fact, if you were enlightened, you would present the ‘answer’ as a possible answer amid many others.

I’ve seen occasions where an individual needed desperately to go through a process in order to find their answers, to evolve,  and just handing them over (your) answers like a prize not earned is both unfair and pompous.  The spouse enduring a bad relationship needs to come the decision him/herself, to weigh that decision against needs and wants, and even to be open for possible fixing of the problem. The shy witch may need to go through various obstacles to discover the inner strength within, or the drunk needs rock bottom to find his way back up to the top.

Helping can, in fact, enable a person’s bad behavior or habits,  rather than help in the end. Ask yourself if you’re really helping this person. Sometimes being a friend is enough, where you withhold your judgments and assure them that its okay to make mistakes now and then.

Don’t wallow in your misery. If you find yourself sharing with others all the health conditions and emotional issues you carry, then perhaps its not healing you’re after but pity. Are you hoping others can help you or are you looking for a way to excuse behavior?

I remember once a woman managed to snap at a group of drummers as she entered the room, teling them they shouldn’t wear rings and do this or that. I’m not sure what her intention was at the time, but she managed to alienate everyone in the room. When confronted with what she did, her excuse was that she was in a fight with her husband just before that. She wasn’t apologziing; she was giving excuses to her behavior. Instead of dealing with the issue of the fight with her spouse, she lashed out to people who had nothing to do with it, then expected them to forgive her for that behavior (despite her not being sorry let alone saying she was sorry).

Instead of focusing on the negative, look at the situation as a learning experience; that the problem is something to be solved, not endured. Lost your job? Maybe the next job will be better for you. Have health problems? Maybe its time to start taking care of yourself, to explore various healing methods, or look deep inside yourself that the illness manifests from some deeply ingrained emotion you haven’t comprehended yet.

Don’t expect a spell or prayer will get you out your mess. In fact, with many problems I’ve seen over the years that pagans are facing, it has more to do with some idiosyncrasy they have and refuse to overcome rather than the ‘powers that be’ having any influence. No amount of magick or prayer will fix that until they’re willing to move forward. If anything, the Divine/God/dess places situations to teach you, not fix your problems.

Take a moment to consider the problems you have in your life and consider how YOU are the main issue in them.

I can use myself as an example; I am a huge procrastinator which stems in fear. Where did this fear come from? How to overcome fears I’ve carried since childhood? It was, I discovered, a fear of failure stemming from the numerous times my family would point out my setbacks, labeling me as quitter or somehow lacking in this or that skill. No encouragement mind you, no words to help me figure out things for me, but the constant haranguing of what I did wrong. This soon developed into not wanting to do anything for fear of screwing my life up more than it had.

Now I realize it was ultimately me that was my biggest obstacle. Whatever reasons the fear started, I still picked it up and went with it. I’m an adult now. I can’t blame others for the fear I carry now. I have to choose to drop it, release it, or deny it, or however I wish to deal with that fear.

“Its okay to make mistakes” was one of Life’s most powerful lessons for me that I had to learn on my own through a process of mediation, reading books, talking to others, etc. Fortunately a series of serendipity kept hammering that idea into my head, and now it struck home. Wow, its okay to make mistakes.

You’d think such a lesson is basic and ‘everyone knows that’, but some of us don’t…or rather didn’t, and need to go through the process to get to that place. Its like Dorothy in Wizard of Oz, where she had the ability to go home any time she wanted, but she needed the Journey to discover that for herself.