Coven Issues: The troublemaker February 9, 2009
Posted by frootbat31 in coven, tips.Tags: coven, dedication, pagan, priest, priestess, ritual, wicca, wiccan, witch
add a comment
Not only pagan groups have them, of course. Any group eventually face one or two members that earn the title of ‘troublemaker’ . They are the ones that gossip, form cliques, and create dissension where ever they go. They sow seeds of doubt, jealousy, and ego, yet portraying themselves as loving, intelligent individuals that serve the greater good. Do not be fooled. Let their actions speak louder than their words.
The difficulty is how to handle them. Its the role of the coven leader(s) to handle conflicts amid members. On occasion the issue can be one of the leaders. Quite often when this is the case, you have to weigh the benefits form staying in the group. If a regular member causes issues, then you need to face them directly and voice the problem. Speak up, even if your voice shakes.
When confronting anyone, its important to stay on the topic of ACTION, not on the person. Its not really about them, but what they say or do. Everyone has emotional baggage, and sometimes being understanding can nudge them into growing some maturity. Avoid insults and using the ‘you always’ phrases. You want to focus on the defined words or actions and your reaction to them.
Let them know how the action or words affect you. If they have any sense of empathy, this can end the trouble right here. If not, you might need to speak to the leaders, or consider leaving the group. Unfortunately many wonderful groups have been known to fall apart due to troublemakers and the leaders inability to tackle the problem head on.
As leaders, recognize that although you want to practice ‘love and trust’, this does not mean you let people give other people crap. Sometimes tough love works best, and by asking them to leave until the behavior is corrected solves the problem. Its your responsability towards the rest of the group, to protect them, to handle the troublemakers.
Leaders should also consider including group bonding exercises in the group. This builds trust and opens dialogue between people. I tend to also encourage confrontation exercises so that the members who are too shy and find confrontation difficult a less trial to endure. Its important to know that if you cannot handle the situation, you will lose members. People do not join covens to endure conflicts, but you also lose a valuable lesson-learning experience if you avoid it.
Ask yourself, “Is this person (troublemaker) have the ability to learn from this experience?” What is their intent by their actions? Are they trying to tear others down, build up their fragile egos, or perhaps they carry emotional baggage they haven’t managed yet? If you think there is hope for them, then try to work through the conflict.This means the troublemaker acknowledges the problem and shows some semblance of being sorry. Giving excuses negates the situation- Its important they understand the impact they have on others, and they harm themselves in turn.
If you’ve tried working things out and the person refuses to evolve, or they simply refuse to work things out, then they really have to place in the coven. A study group or coven depend on the trust and love between members. Gossip, slander, and put downs have no place there.
The pagan pedigree March 23, 2008
Posted by frootbat31 in coven.Tags: coven, dedication, initiation, pedigree, priest, priestess
add a comment
One of my peeves upon meeting new people in pagan circles is having to hear their pedigree. This generally includes them listing off their rank and title in a coven, with adding they are also ordained. It is as if they need to validate themselves to me. (or somehow I’m supposed to be impressed by this)
For starters, whatever degree you earned in your coven doesn’t mean squat outside of your circle. No one but your coven understands what you’ve learned and earned for that title. All a degree tells me is that you’ve taken some effort in your religious education, but tells me nothing of what that education entails.
But I think the real point here is why does anyone need the titles and degrees to prove themselves as a pagan or witch? Isn’t religion the relationship between yourself and the Divine? Does titles and degrees imply you’re something more than someone else? Does a certificate indicate you’re a valid witch/pagan/priest/ess?
I’ve met plenty of full fledged priestesses that had no idea what they were doing or how to deal with a group of pagans. They claim to have been ‘on the path’ for years, yet have to read a typed/written script when casting circle. Worse yet, is when they cannot get along with others, that they obviously tangle with an inflated ego.
A priest or priestess is not someone powerful, but someone empowered. Their role is that of teacher, guide, and parent, not to control or tell you how to conduct yourself. The role also involves the gentle nudge or kind word to help you find your own way. They also are acknowledged by their coven, or taken upon themselves to walk a path of service to the pagan community.
Does a priest or priestess need ordination to gain that role? Not necessarily a formal ordination. Even if they did feel this is required, getting ordained takes all of five minutes online.
“A witch makes a witch” is a philosophy some covens uphold. I don’t agree. Who made the first witch? Is it religion if you need someone else to bring you into the fold? Such philosophy hints more a cult than one of faith. For me, its between you and gods and that is all. Self dedication can often be as valid if not more valid than a coven initiation depending on the circumstances. What lies in the heart of the dedicate/initiate is the true test of sincerity.
In conclusion, I find that its more important how you conduct yourself in life than what you’ve earned in titles.
