I’m not, by my nature, a social person. People are often shocked when I tell them that because I don’t behave anti-social or even act shy, but I’m also not charged up after being in a group. I often feel a bit raw and on edge, needing some ‘down time’ before getting out there again. And that’s okay. You deal with what you can.
After all the drama of my coven two years ago, I’m also wary of certain personalities in groups that tend to cause unwarranted drama. This is also cause for the times I need the down time from groups because certain personalities are so draining.
Such people are;
Passive aggressive. These are the people who have issues with whoever, but can never actually confront the person they have an issue with. They also, in turn, cannot deal with any confrontation when someone has an issue with them. These types can’t form friendships because they can never be honest with others. I feel you can’t really do anything to help them either, because they rather avoid any conflict than try to fix matters.
Out of all the types in a group, these, I find, most destructive, because their behavior often leads to gossiping and talking behind other peoples’ backs.
Drama queens (or kings). These people need to important in some way. They will either share their pedigree or title of a group, or even announce they are ’empaths’ or psychic in some way. There’s always a one-upmanship on many topics. Such people are often exhausting to be around because they need their fragile egos stroked and puffed up.
Everyone needs a sense of self-worth, but the drama queen/king depends on others to feed that ego instead of finding that within themselves.
Powermonger. These are somewhat like drama queens or kings, but they focus on finding minions. They want followers, trying to impress others with their ‘powers’. They don’t give a lot of room for others to be themselves or find answers on their own, let alone allowing anyone to make mistakes (or what they think is a mistake). They like control.
I myself admit to enjoying the control over my groups, but its not to control my members, but to guide the objective of the groups. Members are free to voice their opinions and enjoy free will, providing it doesn’t infringe on another member. I also allow members to create their own events in some groups, even enjoying some of the organizers benefits as well.
A powermonger manipulates people, not groups.
The wallower. This type of member wallows in whatever problem they have, wanting others to take pity on them rather than fix their problem. These type of members in a group not only take up a lot of energy to focus on them, they leech too much from others.
A sign of a wallower is when you make a suggestion on how to help, but they ignore it and continue to complain, or they simply make no effort to improve their situation.
Although, I’m not insensitive to the needs for help by such personalities, I’m not willing to let bad behavior on their part ruin the group for everyone else. Sometimes members need to be removed to help them understand certain behavior is expected and they need to fix their issues.
If you organize a group and have such personalizes among your members, consider talking to them about their behavior to help find a solution, but if the behavior continues, they need to be removed or you’re doing a disservice to the remaining members.