I was watching ‘ target=_blank>’ TheShoeWhisperer’s video on taking charge, and I like her view on things such as taking responsibility of our own emotional state of mind.
She points out how no one can ‘make you’ feel anything unless you let them. This is true. Even if someone is trying to hurt your feelings, you can cultivate enough self esteem to know who you are and where you’re coming from so that it doesn’t matter.
I used to care a lot about what others thought of me. Even bullies I wanted to like me. So when I came to a point where a co-worker spread lies about me, I told him very bluntly “If I cared what you thought of me, that might make me cry, but I don’t so knock it off”. And I realized it was true. I really didn’t care what he thought of me, or even the lies he spread about me.
The other co-workers knew me well enough to know the truth. They respected me because I earned their respect. I earned it, not by bending to their needs but doing quite the opposite- being my own person. I stood my ground, stood firm on my opinions, and treated others fairly and with honesty.
Another video I found enlightening is by BuddhistSocietyWA on YouTube entitled Dealing with Difficult People. Author, speaker, and Buddhist priest, Ajahn Brahm, shares insight on dealing with difficult people in simple, to-the-point terms.
Basically, he points out how difficult people deal with themselves all the time, while we deal with them temporarily. They work from their weaknesses, and by offering compassion, forgiveness, and love, (and understanding), you might actually help them rise above that weakness.
Book of Shadows Assignment: Write in your journal thoughts about how others impact your emotional state. What things do other people do trigger a negative response? Why do you let them cause this reaction? How can you make changes to be the ‘calm in the storm’? Do you think you might cause a bad reaction in others?